Ah, the early 2000s—a time when we slathered on roll-on body glitter, thought side bangs were a personality trait, and willingly subjected ourselves to some of the most uncomfortable underwear trends known to womankind.
Seriously, how did we survive?
Before the era of comfort-first fashion, we strutted around in low-rise jeans that threatened to expose national secrets and lingerie that doubled as a medieval torture device. Let’s take a walk (or should I say an awkward waddle?) down memory lane and revisit the trends that made our early 2000s selves feel “hot” while secretly suffering.
1. Whale Tails: Because Apparently, We Wanted Everyone to Know We Were Wearing a Thong
Back in the day, if your thong wasn’t aggressively peeking out of your jeans, were you even trying?
The whale tail was the ultimate fashion statement, brought to us by icons like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, who somehow made it look effortless. The rest of us? We spent our days subtly yanking up our G-strings to make sure they were visible but not too visible—a fine art we perfected in gym class and at the mall.
Comfort level: -5/10
Fashion regret level: We’re still recovering.
2. Low-Rise Jeans: The Reason We Held Our Breath 24/7
Speaking of poor life choices, let’s talk about low-rise jeans—a trend so questionable it might actually belong in a museum.
They sat so low on our hips that one wrong move (or deep breath) meant a full-on wardrobe malfunction. And let’s not forget the emotional trauma of having to choose between sitting comfortably or keeping our butt cracks hidden from the world.
Pair them with a bedazzled thong, and suddenly, you were one unlucky sneeze away from scandalizing an entire family restaurant.
Bless the high-waisted gods for saving us from this madness.
3. The Lace Trim Boyshorts Era—Cute, But at What Cost?
For a brief moment, we thought boyshorts were going to be our saving grace. Cute, playful, and kind of sporty? Sign us up!
But the reality? Those lace-trimmed boyshorts from Victoria’s Secret PINK had the audacity to roll up, dig in, and create more lines than an airport security check. Plus, the lace? Itchy. As. Hell.
We wanted comfort, and instead, we got a wedgie in disguise.
4. Visible Panty Lines—Because Seamless Wasn’t an Option?
There was a time when visible panty lines (VPL) were just accepted as a way of life. We weren’t investing in seamless underwear yet (because who knew that was a thing?), and for some reason, our fashion choices made it impossible to hide anything.
White leggings? VPL central.
Tight bodycon dresses? Might as well just announce what color your panties are.
At some point, we just accepted our fate—until we learned about actual seamless options and never looked back.
5. The “One Size Fits All” Thong—A Lie We Believed
Remember when thongs came in only one size, and we just went with it? No stretch, no real sizing options, just a mystery fabric that either cut off circulation or sagged like a defeated parachute.
We put our trust in these sad little strips of fabric, only to regret it every time we sat down for too long.
Where We Are Now: Living Our Best, Comfiest Lives
Thankfully, we’ve evolved.
Gone are the days of walking like penguins because our underwear was aggressively betraying us. We now have seamless everything, soft breathable fabrics, and—get this—the freedom to go panty-free without consequences.
So here’s to never letting the past repeat itself. The whale tails can stay in 2003, the low-rise jeans can stay buried, and our comfort is now a non-negotiable.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to burn any evidence that I ever participated in these trends.
What’s your worst 2000s underwear memory? Drop it in the comments, and let’s suffer together.
_375x375.png)
